


Definitely (Maybe)

by eskimopuppy



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eskimopuppy/pseuds/eskimopuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People say life flashes before your eyes when you die. Delphine was about to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Definitely (Maybe)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing a Delphine-centric story. I hope you enjoy it!

"We have a place for you."

It seemed absurd that she had only just heard those words a few hours ago. A place for her at Neolution... That was how it all started. How her life turned upside down. Dr. Aldous Leekie had lured her into this cutting-edge experiment – _clones_ , for heaven's sake! – promising the same thing: a place for her among the brightest scientists in history. Of course she said yes. Perhaps this was her shot at doing something good... Something useful. She could help those women find out more about themselves, their biology, and who knows, find a purpose for her own life. Her immunology degree had sat on her wall, useless – meaningless – until then.

This was exactly where she had to be. Helping people heal.

She met her subject. 324b21. _Cosima Niehaus_. Evo-devo. Enchantée. Dreads, eyeliner, piercing, glasses, and a smile to die for. _A face to fight wars for_ , in Ferdinand's words. He had no idea... She laughed to herself, despite being on the verge of passing out... Of passing _away_ , for sure. There was so much blood on the floor now, and she could feel the thick fluid dripping from the corner of her mouth as well.

When she first kissed Cosima (the memory was still so vivid that her eyes went shut, succumbing to the tears blurring her vision), she thought that was the true meaning of everything. All her actions had driven her to that exact moment of clarity. In her arms, in her mouth, in her heart – that was her place. Delphine _Cormier's_ , not _Beraud's_. It was as if she had lived all those years as the latter, a mere alias, rather than the former, and only a woman who was also looking for her place in the world could take her by the hand and show her the way.

And she followed. Oh, how the puppy followed the explorer the whole way! She had fought bravely to ensure Cosima of her loyalty, but there were forces way above her reach that destroyed all her hard work with one phone call. Forces that had a body so alike the one she knew and loved, but at the same time such a despicable, such a selfish soul... She promised herself she would never be like that, regardless of what the future had in store for her. Selfless she became, if there were a way to be more selfless than she already was.

Her love had made her greedy, and look where that took her. So she gave up on loving one, and sought solace in loving _all_ of them. It kept her alive, to speak of the sisters she never had and would never have. She gave it all, she did her best to protect them until the end – even her last words had been about _her_ ; whoever that pronoun was meant for, not even she knew for certain –, and yet…

It was not her place, either, after all.

Perhaps her place was right here, bleeding to death in a parking lot. Maybe life and all the surprises that came with the package were too much for her. Try as she might, she would never win. Her only crime was loving too much, but love does not thrive on its own. It needs fertile soil to grow and, for her, that was nowhere to be found. Instead, the cold concrete under her limp body was all she had left.

How ironic was that, spending most of her years studying ways to preserve life, only to fail at keeping her own safe! This, however, would be her last surprise, and for that she was thankful.

She only wished it would end soon, so she could find her place somewhere above, below, wherever her soul chose to go. Perhaps, Delphine thought, her place was to guard the women she loved so much from beyond, since down here all she could do was harm. Closing her eyes again, giving in to the weight of her eyelids and the irresistible pull of death, she sighed, hoping she could still find some comfort in the familiar, yet unknown identical faces she was bound, if lucky enough, to find on the other side. Maybe she could show her gratitude to Beth Childs for her courage, show Jennifer Fitzsimmons her sorrow for what had happened to her, or assure Katja Obinger that her sisters were moving towards a cure to her – _their_ – illness.

Yes... That sounded like a good place to be.

She could feel their hands on her now, carrying her away from all the pain. She was not afraid.  _Don't leave me_ , she tried to plead, but nothing came out. _Don't leave me again_.

But, like all the other times when she thought she had it all figured out and had been proven wrong, that definitely wasn't her place yet.

"I will never leave you."


End file.
